It's Always Have and Never Hold
by florals
Summary: "They renewed their lease in the beginning of May, and they broke up at the end of it." Finn and Rachel, an apartment in New York City, and feelings that just won't go away. Future!fic.
1. Chapter 1

a/n: I normally only publish my stories on LiveJournal, but I'm trying something new here. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>She's 24.<p>

She's 24, living in New York City.

She's 24, living in New York City, and about to make her big break on Broadway.

She's 24, and life seems almost perfect, except for one little thing.

Finn Hudson.

He's always throwing a wrench in her plans.

* * *

><p>They dated long distance throughout college. Visits were infrequent, but it never seemed to matter. They spent all of their breaks together, barely a second apart. By the time they were juniors, they didn't even stay at separate houses anymore.<p>

When they graduated, Finn moved to New York City and in with Rachel. He came to the city with a degree in communications and a job lined up at a small ad agency, working in customer relations. He wasn't sure how he managed it, but it was a job and it would help pay the bills for the insanely expensive, insanely tiny apartment Rachel had just leased, which he would be added to and responsible for as soon as he actually got there.

She'd been working on and off in little shows throughout college, but when she graduated, she had been in a workshop for a show a friend had written and put together. It had managed to gain some attention for its brilliant music and controversial storyline (Rachel never thought she'd make it big playing opposite another female as a romantic lead). Moving the production off-Broadway was surprisingly easy enough, because critics seemed to go nuts over the show, and there were a number of directors eager to take the reins of the project.

Off-stage, things were good. Really good. She performed, he worked full time, and somehow they made enough money to pay their rent and eat more than just ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They didn't run the air during the summer because it's expensive and they were trying to save money, but they got by because clothing is optional, always. They got used to paying for heat pretty quickly, though, because maintaining the clothing-free lifestyle in the winter meant the temperature in their apartment can't match that of the temperature outside.

It's not until winter started turning into spring that they started having problems. Trivial things that they always used to bicker about but forgave became fights that lasted for hours. He was working late again, she was spending too much time at the theater. He forgot to pick up dinner, she hadn't gone to the store in days.

They tried to make things work for as long as possible. They renewed their lease in the beginning of May, and they broke up at the end of it.

* * *

><p>It's not really messy or painful, just abrupt.<p>

When she yells, _"then maybe we shouldn't be together!"_ he answers with a _"fine!"_ and a slamming of their bedroom door.

After a week of glaring and avoidance, he finally says something.

"Is this really happening? Are we really broken up?"

"Yes, Finn," she snaps from the kitchen area of the apartment. "Clearly, this isn't working out."

"Well, what are we going to do then, about all of this?" he asks, motioning around the apartment.

"We shouldn't do anything hasty. Living in New York is expensive enough with two people paying rent. I have no problem living with you, as long as our expectations for each other remain at a platonic level."

"Right, so basically, we become roommates, and that's it?"

"That's it."

She's stubborn, he knows. He figures she'll come around.

"Alright."

* * *

><p>After another week, he's annoyed.<p>

"So this is seriously it? All those years of making it work throughout high school and college, and that's it? All for nothing?"

She sighs, setting down the knife she was using to chop vegetables for a salad.

"We've tried it Finn, and clearly, this relationship isn't working."

"So one fight, and you're ready to throw it all away?"

"It wasn't one fight, Finn," she clarifies. "We've been fighting non-stop for the past few months. It's not healthy."

"And you're okay with this," he replies quickly, clearly agitated and upset. "You don't care, you don't have any feelings about this?"

"Of course I have feelings, I'm—"

"Well you certainly seem fine!" he snaps, the volume of his voice rising slightly. "I don't know about you, but I've spent all my time thinking that we'd get over this thing, that in a week or two we'd forget this even happened. And now that I know that's _not_ what you're thinking, I'm kind of panicking. Like, a lot."

"Finn," she tries, stepping towards him a little.

"No, no, you don't get it. You're acting so calm, and I know that you're stubborn and you're going to pretend like nothing's bothering you, but I know that you have to be upset like this," he says, motioning to himself. "It hurts that you don't want to care, Rachel!"

When he sees tears well up in her eyes, he instantly feels bad for raising his voice.

"I do care, Finn. It hurts, a lot. And I'm sorry if I choose to express my emotions in private, but you're right, that's just who I am."

She gently pushes past him then, making her way to the bedroom. "I'm sorry," she starts, turning around to look at him, "if I'm hurting you, but I think that this is best. Maybe I'm making a mistake, but I _have_ to do this, Finn."

She slips into the bedroom, closing the door softly behind her. Finn drops into a chair around their little kitchen table, letting his head fall into his hands.

He won't give up on them. He believes they're meant to be, even if she doesn't.

* * *

><p>Things start falling into place after a month.<p>

"I want us to be friends," she says, sitting down next to him on the couch one night.

"Rach, if I've managed to deal with you for this long without running away screaming, then I think it's safe to assume we'll always be friends."

She hits him in the face with a pillow.

"You want Thai food for dinner?" she asks, choosing not to respond to his statement.

"Actually, I really want a burger."

"Great! Thai food it is!" she says, jumping off the couch to grab her purse.

Finn rolls his eyes, getting up and following her. "You never listen to me," he fake pouts.

"And you secretly love Thai food," she replies, waiting for him at the door.

Things go like this most days.

Finn works, Rachel performs. Sometimes they'll share meals, but they aren't dependent on each other. She sleeps in the bedroom, he stays out on the couch. There's a pullout bed, but most of the time he's too lazy. Rachel had felt bad, telling him that he could have the bed because it had to be uncomfortable for him to try and fit himself onto the couch night after night, but he refuses. She says that they can get another bed and try to find a place for it, but he refuses that as well.

"You're not getting back into that bed with me, Finn Hudson," she tells him, eyeing him knowingly.

"We'll see about that, Rachel Berry," he replies, smirking.

* * *

><p>Two and a half months, and it happens.<p>

It's six o'clock on a Thursday night when she comes out of the bedroom wearing a simple lavender dress.

"You look nice," Finn says from the couch once she walks past and causes him do a double take. "What's the occasion?" He knows she's off from her show tonight, so it can't be anything to do with that.

"I actually…have a date," she answers reluctantly. She knows this can't possibly end well.

"What?" he exclaims as he practically jumps off the couch.

"I have a date, Finn, and I know what you're going to say—"

"No."

Rachel looks at him in shock. "No? Finn, you can't stop me from going out."

"Yes, I can," he replies, nodding as he walks towards her.

"Oh really? How exactly are you going to do that?" she asks, crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance.

Finn takes a moment to think before he answers. "Stand in front of the door, lock you in the bedroom, take your keys away, put—"

"You are insane," she says, cutting him off from finishing his list.

"Just trying to stop you from making a terrible mistake." He says it as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Really? What kind of mistake? Please, enlighten me, oh wise Finn."

Well, for starters, you're wasting your time with this other guy, I can guarantee it. I know how serious you are about using all your time wisely."

"Mhmm," she agrees sarcastically, nodding. "And how might my time be more wisely spent?"

"Here, with me," he replies simply. "You act like you're actually going to end up with someone else."

"Maybe I will!" she snaps. "Finn. _Give. Me. A. Chance._ Please." She punctuates each word in exasperation.

"Where'd you even meet this guy?"

"Not like it's any of your business, but he was a classmate of mine a few years ago. We ran into each other yesterday and he was nice enough to ask me out."

Finn just rolls his eyes before moving back to the couch and flopping down on top of it. A second later, the buzzer to their apartment rings, and Rachel walks over to the intercom to unlock the front door to the building.

"What if the person who you just buzzed in is a serial killer? You didn't even check to make sure it was your date," Finn mumbles as Rachel walks over to stand in front of him. "You're blocking the TV."

"Shut up," she snaps. "Now, please try and act civilized. No funny business."

Finn gives her a thumbs up right as there's a knock on the door.

"Oh," Rachel starts, turning around to look at him before she opens the door, "and if this is a serial killer, then it's your job to take care of him."

Finn rolls his eyes once again. He watches as she unlocks the door, pulling it open slowly.

"Hi," Rachel says softly, and Finn's mouth sets in a tight line when he sees the guy standing on the other side. There is definitely nothing _unfortunate_ looking about him, and it kind of pisses him off.

"Hey," he hears the guy say, and he leans down to press a quick kiss to Rachel's cheek.

Finn wants to punch something.

"Ready to go?" Rachel asks, and Finn knows what she's doing. And he's totally not having it.

"Definitely," the guy says, and Finn stands then, making his way to the door.

"Hey man," Finn greets, overly happy, and Rachel spin on her heals, glaring at him. She's giving him the "_I swear to God if you do something stupid I will castrate you later_" look, which he replies to with a raise of his eyebrows and a smirk. He sticks his hand out, and the other man tentatively reaches forward to shake it.

"Hey," he replies slowly, eyeing Finn with curiosity.

"Finn," Finn says, and he looks at the other man expectantly. "And you are?"

"Ben. Are you-"

"He's no one," Rachel interrupts, practically turning to shove Ben out the door. "He's not important. He's also crazy, so just don't pay attention to him."

"Wait, what?" the guy—_Ben_ (annoying, Finn thinks)—says, looking back and forth between Finn and Rachel.

"Aw, Rach, you're so dramatic. I'm actually just Rachel's ex-boyfriend." He almost throws in a "_no big deal_," but he refrains.

"Um, what?" Ben asks, looking down to Rachel for confirmation, who's looking up at Finn like she's about to strangle him.

"Ex-boyfriend. Like, we used to date…"

"Yeah, uh, I know what an ex-boyfriend is, thanks man," Ben says, frowning. "Were you visiting, or—"

"Nope, I live here, but it's cool. Don't worry man. Rachel and I haven't—"

"Finn!" Rachel screeches, her little hands balled into fists at her sides. She gives him one more glare before turning to look at Ben. "We're just roommates, it's nothing to be concerned about. Now, how about we go enjoy dinner?"

Ben just nods, giving Finn one more awkward look before turning around and walking back out into the hall.

"Have fun you gu—" Finn starts, but Rachel whips around and cuts him off.

"Shut up!" she hisses as she pulls the door closed behind her.

Mission accomplished, Finn thinks.

* * *

><p>She literally beats the shit out of him when she gets home that night.<p>

She starts with her purse, but then she thinks she might see a bruise forming on his arm, so she switches to a pillow from the couch.

He laughs the entire time.

* * *

><p>It goes on like this for another few weeks. Possibly months. She goes out on dates here and there when she has time, but nothing ever seems to pan out.<p>

It doesn't help that Finn keeps coming up with new ways to scare her dates away.

She thought that things would definitely work out with a nice guy she met named Alex. She always ran into him at the little café right down the street from her theater when she was headed to rehearsals and he was on his lunch break. He'd always smile at her, and he started to pay for her drinks whenever he was ahead of her in line. It was sweet and charming, and Rachel liked sweet and charming. Sweet and charming was _nice_.

So she let him buy her drinks, and once they started talking, she'd let him walk her all the way to the theater. He finally asked her out on a cool November day, and while her hair whips across her face from the wind, she smiles and accepts. It isn't until she inside, pulling off her coat when she realizes it.

_Finn_._ He's going to completely screw this up_.

She decides that the best way to approach this is to be upfront about it. She thinks that maybe if she begs Finn, he won't completely ruin this for her.

And if all else fails, she'll resort to making deals. Letting him have the bed for a month, doing all the dishes, all the cleaning, all the cooking. Something has got to work.

She's surprised when he agrees readily. In hindsight, she realizes she shouldn't have believed him as readily.

So on the evening of her date, Finn retreats to the bedroom while Rachel waits patiently in the living room. When the buzzer goes off and she calls him up, Finn's still in the bedroom and Rachel thinks that maybe they can avoid the awkward "yes-I-still-live-with-my-ex-no-we're-not-sleeping-together" talk.

Again, she shouldn't have underestimated Finn. As soon as Alex is inside the apartment and Rachel is slipping into her coat, Finn emerges, completely naked except for a towel around his waist.

"Oh hey guys," he says, smiling cheekily as he walks over, "I was just about to jump in the shower, but I wanted to say hi to, Aaron, is it?" Finn hold out a hand for Alex to shake while the other holds the towel in place.

"Uh, Alex," Alex says, reaching out to shake Finns hand, his face etched in confusion. Rachel just glares at Finn, her mouth hanging open in shock and surprise.

"Okay," Rachel says suddenly, breaking the awkward moment. "Alex, would you mind just waiting outside for one moment while I grab my purse and _Finn gets into the shower_?" She hisses the last few words, looking directly at Finn. Alex just smiles politely and steps outside, letting the door shut behind him.

When he's gone, Rachel grabs her purse off the kitchen table and turns one last time to look at Finn, smiling back at her.

"I hate you," she says quietly but with force. She turns and rushes out of the apartment, slamming the door on the way out, and Finn flinches.

She's never said that seriously before.

_She hates him_.

* * *

><p>She doesn't speak to him for about a week. When she returns from her date that night, she walks through the living room without even acknowledging him and goes into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.<p>

Every time they run into each other during the day, he tries to speak, but she just cuts him off with an angry glare.

And he knows better. He really fucked up this time. But how was he supposed to know that she'd really get angry this time? Every single failed date she's been on, she'd never said anything to him about. Sometimes she'd hit him or tell him he was ruining her life, but she never meant it. There was always that playful, joking tone to her voice, no matter how small. He knew her too well to not notice it. But this time, there is no joking, no playfulness. She's truly upset, and he feels terrible.

"I'm sorry," he says finally one night, pushing the door to the bedroom open to reveal her sitting up on the corner of the bed, just staring at the door. "I'm sorry I ruined your date."

"No you're not," she says quietly, looking down and away from him. "You got exactly what you wanted."

"I don't want you to be so upset. I never want you to be upset."

"Well fuck you, then," she hisses, looking up at him swiftly. "Because I'm upset, and if you don't want me to be upset, then neither of us got what we wanted, now did we?"

He's a little shocked because she hardly ever swears, and the venom in her tone is overwhelming.

"Rach, I just—"

"Just go away, Finn," she says, cutting him off. "I'm tired of dealing with this. I'll just put my life on hold, wait until you grow up, and then maybe we can both move on. Until then, I'm not going to keep giving you the opportunity to screw up everything I work for."

"Wait, what?" he says, looking at her, taken aback by her words. "I'm screwing up _everything_? Rachel, you've never cared! All I've done is talk to these losers who've tried to take you out, and then you get angry with me when it doesn't work out!"

"That's bullshit, Finn. You try to scare them off by making it seem like they have competition, and you don't even care how I feel!"

"But they do, Rach! They do have competition! If I didn't matter to you at all, you would have made sure I knew after that first date you went on! I know a part of you is still holding on to us because you don't fight me on it! At least, not until now." He tries to move closer to her, but she stands, pushing him back.

"Get out," she says angrily, shoving him towards the door.

And he doesn't try to fight her. Because she's Rachel Berry, and she wouldn't get so damn mad and defensive if he wasn't right.

* * *

><p>He actually pulls out the bed from the couch that night. He hasn't heard any movement in the bedroom or seen her emerge since he walked out of there, so an hour later, he turns off all the lights and tries to make himself comfortable on the stupid pull-out mattress. He's staring up at the ceiling, willing his eyes to close, when he hears the creak of the bedroom door and little footsteps padding across the floor towards him.<p>

When she scoots onto the bed next to him, he knows she's not angry.

"I just want to be happy," she whispers. "We're not happy. We weren't when we were together, and we're not when we're apart. I'm just looking for something that works."

"You're the only thing that's ever made me happy," he replies, looking right at her.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I'm just trying to do something for me this time around."

She crawls under his comforter and curls up next to him, because sleeping next to him is the only thing that's ever made her feel safe.

He knows it's not the same as it used to be, though.

* * *

><p>Things calm down. They resume the routine they created before the whole dating disaster started, and it works. They live together as roommates. Their days intertwine but their lives still remain, to a point, separate.<p>

Rachel stops dating, though. She hasn't been out with a guy in weeks. But then again, maybe that's how dating is supposed to go, Finn thinks. Rachel seemed to score dates with a LOT of guys since she's been single, and don't get him wrong, she's an amazing, beautiful woman, but he wonders where all these suitors come from.

So, her dating life slows down. She's still busy performing, though, and she seems happy. Finn starts coming to her shows again, and it's nice, seeing her up on stage, singing her heart out. She never fails to amaze him.

Her show is still just off-Broadway, but it still has buzz and attention. She's good, and people are really starting to notice.

Then one evening, early in December, she comes bounding into the apartment, face flushed and beaming.

"Good day?" he asks, looking away from the television. She bounds over to the couch and practically throws herself on top of him, squeezing her arms around him tight.

"Whoa, _really_ good day?" he laughs, wrapping his arms around her in return for a short moment before she pulls away.

"I had a meeting with the director of my show and a bunch of other important people today," she says, bouncing a little on the couch. "They're moving the show!"

"Moving?"

"To Broadway! The show is officially moving to Broadway, and they want me, Finn! Me!"

His eyes go wide, and he can't even speak.

"They want me to move with them and continue to play Morgan. Finn, I'm going to be on Broadway!"

"Oh my God!" he cries, reaching and pulling her back into a hug. "That's so great!"

And it is. It's fantastic. It's everything she's ever wanted and dreamed of, and she's finally achieved it.

It's everything he's ever wished for her, but he knows that his own wishing was pointless. She was going to get here on her own no matter what.

She's warm and giggling in his arms, thrilled beyond belief, and he's so goddamn happy for her that for a split second, his heart kind of aches. He always thought that when this day came, he'd be able to congratulate her as his girlfriend, or even wife. That he'd be able to kiss her over and over again, whispering how much he loved her into her ear as his hands held her tight.

But he's got her in his arms and she's squirming and laughing that it's enough for now. He loves her too much not to be overjoyed right along with her.

"Celebrate!" he says suddenly, pulling away to look her right in the eyes. "We need to celebrate! We're going all out tonight, on me!"

She laughs, shaking her head. "But it's nearly seven pm, and all the places in the city will surely be booked solid tonight."

"Who cares? It doesn't even matter, not tonight."

So she throws on a dress and he puts on a nice shirt and they leave the apartment, fully set on making the most out of the evening.

* * *

><p>They make it three blocks before they decide to fuck expensive restaurants and turn right into one of Finn's favorite diners. The food is greasy and people talk way too loud, but it's also kind of perfect. Finn's buddy Marcus owns the place, and when he tells him about Rachel's big news, Marcus pulls the alcohol out from under the counter (they don't sell it because they don't have a liquor license, but Marcus isn't charging his friends here. They're <em>celebrating<em>). Neither Finn nor Rachel really remember how many vodka shots they all do, but he does know that they're sober enough to 1) stop at a convenience/liquor store on the way home and pick up some really cheap, shitty champagne, and 2) actually make their way back to the apartment, because they're currently lying on the living room floor, taking turns drinking straight from the bottle.

(Later, he'll realize that while they were sober enough to make it home, they were drunk enough to down the champagne like it's freaking Cristal.)

"God, you're amazing," he slurs as she takes a drink, tilting the bottle back over her head. "So fucking amazing."

She giggles, handing the bottle to him as she turns to look at him and smile. "I always knew you'd be the one with me when it happened." When his eyes go wide, she quickly clarifies. "Like, just here, celebrating with me. Even if we're not—you know, together."

He nods before taking another drink.

"You'll always be my best friend," she says softly, turning her head back to stare up at the ceiling. "I don't know what I would do without you."

And then suddenly, he's letting the bottle of champagne fall beside him and roll away as he himself rolls over on top of her, pressing her down into the floor. She doesn't fight or protest when his lips cover hers; in fact, her mouth opens under his right away, capturing his upper lip between her own. Her body is so warm and soft against his, and he lets a hand slip down her side to grasp at her hip, pulling their bodies as close together as possible.

She moans when his lips leave hers to travel down her neck, placing hot, wet kisses there as he makes his way to her collarbone. He nips at her skin but then soothes it by running his tongue over it, creating a little pattern of red marks—a telltale sign of where he's been.

She arches into him when the hand formerly on her waist moves back up to cup her breast, and he presses her back down in response. She's so tiny compared to him, but she's so forceful when she pushes herself back up against him, grinding her pelvis against his own.

"Shit," he groans, pulling his lips from her chest as she continues to writhe underneath him, her own head thrown back. Her eyes are closed, and she's letting out these little breathy sighs every few seconds. However, when he sneaks a hand under her dress, her head snaps up instantly, as if she's returning back to Earth from some blissful little break.

"Wait," she exhales, trying to sit up underneath him. "We can't do this, we can't."

"Rach—"

"No," she says, gently pushing against his chest. "It's not—we shouldn't…" she trails off, shaking her head. "We're drunk."

"But I love you," he pleads, and she sighs, falling back against the floor.

"And this is just making it worse." She pushes against his chest again, and he finally relents, moving off of her. When she tries to stand, she stumbles before finally gaining balance and wobbling over to the couch, using it for support as she turns around to look at him on the floor.

"Bed," she murmurs, pointing absently behind her. "I'm going."

She runs into the couch, the counter, and the doorframe before she makes it into the bedroom.

He simply falls back against the thin rug on the ground, groaning as his head hits hard.

He passes out there, until the sunlight wakes him up the next morning, streaming through the window where they never closed the blinds.

* * *

><p>She wakes up the next morning and freaks out. She's wearing her dress from the night before, and she's all alone in the bed, but she feels like something's off.<p>

Something happened, she just knows it.

She crawls out of bed and notices the clock. Almost 11, meaning that Finn's already gone for work. She doesn't know how he could possibly drag himself out into the world if he feels anything remotely like she does right now, but when she walks out of the bedroom, he's no where to be found.

She makes her way into the kitchen area to locate aspirin and retrieve coffee when she notices the note stuck onto the refrigerator with the _West Side Story_ magnet he bought her on their trip to New York for Nationals junior year of high school.

_Dinner tonight?_

She pulls the note off the fridge, biting her lip.

She briefly remembers kissing him on the floor, the feel of his body pressed so close to hers once again. But as nice as it felt, she knows it was wrong. She screwed up, and she worries that maybe she's gotten Finn's hopes up again. And it's not her intention at all. Hurting him is the last thing she ever wants to do, but sometimes, you have to go through a little pain to come out better in the end.

She reminds herself that she's doing this for both of them—that they'll both be better off once they move on. Things just weren't working before, and she's not going to let the inevitable (they have been sleeping together since they were 17 years old, after all) sexual tension between them break all progress they've made towards getting over each other.

She quickly flips the note over, grabbing the pen off the counter to scribble a reply.

_Late rehearsal tonight :( Won't be home until around 10 or so._

One day, she'll know she made the right decision.

She hopes.

* * *

><p>Her show off-Broadway wraps up right before the New Year, and rehearsals with the new Broadway cast begin right after. She's so excited, she can barely contain herself.<p>

Many of the people she's spent the last year performing with have been cast along with her, but the girl she's been playing opposite of, Katherine, is not. She's been offered a different role in a different production, and Rachel is sad to see her go. They had pretty fantastic chemistry for two straight women playing lovers, but Rachel is a professional, and she knows that she'll be able to work just as well with whomever they cast to play Carly, the love interest of her character, Morgan.

When she is informed that Kristina DeLeon has been cast as Carly, Rachel is ecstatic. She knows exactly who Kristina is, and she knows the girl is amazingly talented.

She got her start playing Sally in the Broadway revival of Cabaret. Most recently, she starred as Sherrie in Rock of Ages, which she left only a few weeks ago. Rachel figures she left so she could play Carly, and Rachel understands why. This show has buzz. Lots of buzz. And Rachel has become a lot more realistic than she was in high school, but it's not just wishful thinking saying that if anything is going to earn her a Tony at the age of 25, it's this show.

So yes, Rachel knows a lot about Kristina DeLeon, because she likes to keep herself informed about the Broadway community.

She also knows that Kristina happens to be dating Jesse St. James.

_Jesse St. James. Oh dear God._

It's been a while.


	2. Chapter 2

She knows what he's been up to, but only because she like, _has_ to. Sure, she checked his facebook once or twice after they broke up and he went off to California, but once he got his first part on stage, she just had to start following what was going on with him. It's always been a part of her job as an up-and-coming Broadway starlet (it's only right to be familiar with those in the business before you).

She knows that he graduated from UCLA early and understudied Fiyero in Wicked for months before he took on the role full-time. His most recent (and current) role is playing Drew in Rock of Ages.

(She can only assume this is where he became acquainted with Kristina).

When rehearsals begin, it's slightly nerve-wracking for her, because she knows he'll come around to visit Kristina sooner or later, and it's been years since the last time she's had any real contact with him. Not since she was a junior in high school and he showed up at the National show choir competition to "show his support for Vocal Adrenaline" (she's not convinced it wasn't to try to speak to her again).

Finn punched him in the face. Everyone saw that coming.

Luckily, it was after their performance and Rachel was able to drag Finn out of the room before he could thoroughly kick Jesse's ass. He ended up with a black eye, and in the end, Rachel had to agree to have a private conversation with Jesse to keep him from pressing assault charges against Finn.

_And people called Rachel the dramatic one._

He said a lot of things to her that day, mostly expressing regret over the way things transpired between them. She nodded and listened, but she couldn't really bring herself to care. She had promised herself after he destroyed her heart that she would never let him humiliate her the way he did ever again.

Plus, he cracked an egg over her head. _Who does that?_

So needless to say, she's anxious. She has no idea what he'll say to her or how he'll treat her, and most importantly, she has no idea if Kristina knows about their history. She would hate for them to get off to a bad start all because of a failed high school relationship. So she literally prays that Jesse hasn't completely trashed her and that Kristina won't care that she and Jesse were once an item (although it was nine years ago, so a part of her wonders why she's even freaking out about this).

In the end, it's significantly less momentous than she originally expected. He stops by about a week into rehearsals to bring Kristina lunch on his way to his theater. They're all taking a break anyways, so when she sees Jesse making his way towards her, she has no real excuse to get out of there.

"Well, well, well," he says, flashing her his ever-so-charming smile. "Rachel Berry. I knew it was inevitable that our paths would eventually cross in the future."

She literally has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. First impression tells her that he hasn't changed a bit.

"Hello Jesse. I wish I could say it's nice to see you again."

Feigning insult, he sits down in the seat next to her, turning to face her. "You wound me, Rachel. I would have thought that everything that happened between us is so far in the past that you'd be over it by now."

"I am over it," she replies, picking up her phone to idly scroll through her messages. She doesn't want to give him any more attention than necessary. "I simply have no desire to see or be friends with you. It has nothing to do with 'being over it' or not. I just think you are, for lack of better phrasing, a terrible person."

She's mildly impressed by how well she's doing here.

Jesse, again, feigns insult.

"I can't believe that you're not even willing to give a friendship with me a chance. Seeing as your new co-star is my girlfriend, and we're sure to end up running in the same circles here in the Broadway world, I would think that you'd be smart enough to know not to go making enemies right off the bat."

She lowers her phone, turning to look at him in shock. "Are you _threatening_ me?"

"Absolutely not," he replies, smirking. "I would simply hate for rumors of your dislike for me to get out into the world, where I already have a large fan base and the support of the industry, and ruin your potential future career. I'm only looking out for you."

This time, she does roll her eyes.

"Well, I would hate to have an enemy with such a large _fan base_." It's at this point that she realizes his flair for the dramatics haven't been toned down quite like hers have since college.

"So, I think we should be friends. Or friendly acquaintances, at the very least." She narrows her eyes. "We'll start over."

He holds out a hand for her to shake, and it's quite possibly the most cliché thing that has ever happened to her.

"Hello, my name is Jesse St. James, and it's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Berry. I quite look forward to getting to know you better."

Against her better judgment, she reaches out to shake his hand.

"Fine," she sighs, completely unenthused. "The pleasure is all _yours_, but I'm looking forward to your attempts at changing my mind about you."

"Fabulous."

* * *

><p>She doesn't mention Jesse to Finn. At least, not at first.<p>

She's not sure why, but something is telling her to hold off, so she does. It's completely irrational to think that Finn would be upset, but then again, Jesse has never done anything but give Finn reasons to hate him. Granted, Finn was the one who screwed up in making it possible for Rachel to date Jesse in high school, but aside from that, Jesse wasn't able to win many people over. Lying to Rachel about knowing who her mother was, abandoning the team right before Regionals, and egging Rachel with all of his Vocal Adrenaline friends left a bit of a sour taste in Finn's mouth, and rightfully so.

Plus, he punched Jesse in the face.

So yeah, Rachel keeps the Jesse information on the down low for a while. Mostly for the sake of Jesse's face and Finn's potential criminal record.

She'd add for her own sanity, but there's not much of it left these days. Ever since the "incident," as she's come to refer to it, Finn has been relentless. It's like any progress she's made in trying to distance them has completely collapsed, and they're back at square one.

He claims that their actions when they were drunk imply that they both still have feelings for each other, and while he's willing to admit it, she's not. And as much as she stresses to him that it's not about having feelings, he doesn't seem to understand or accept it.

She decides that drastic measures need to be taken if she ever wishes to successfully convince Finn that they just aren't meant to be.

And then, as if God himself sends her the answer to all of her problems, her solution comes in the form of a text message asking her if she'd like to grab lunch before her afternoon rehearsal.

_Jesse._

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight," he says to her over a plate of hummus and vegetables, "you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend because your ex-boyfriend, who assaulted me once-upon-a-time, is now your roommate and trying to get you back? Did I miss anything there?"<p>

"You act like you didn't deserve to be punched in the face," she replies before taking a bite of a carrot stick.

"Regardless, I have a girlfriend. And why should I help you, anyways?"

"Kristina can know. We'll just tell her that I need your assistance in scaring off an ex-boyfriend. Surely she's had a crazy one or two in the past. I mean look, she's dating you."

"You're funny. Have you gotten wittier over the years? I'm impressed."

"Plus," Rachel continues, "you're trying to win me over, remember? Earn back my trust or however you put it. So, you kind of owe me."

"I did agree to that, but my plan was significantly less involved than yours," he says, looking at her like she's insane. "Hence the lunch, here at this pricey vegan café."

"You can't buy my approval, St. James. You're either in on the plan, or you can expect nothing but stone-faced silence from me every time we're forced to spend any kind of time together."

"Wow, _Berry_, and here I was thinking that maybe you've gotten become less of a drama queen since the last time I saw you."

"Are you in or not?" she asks, ignoring his comment.

He sighs, leaning back in his chair. "Alright, how about this. I'll agree to it, as long as Kristina has no issues with it."

She smiles, sitting up straight and proud.

"Perfect."

* * *

><p>Jesse had been banking on Kristina refusing. However, he underestimated Rachel Berry and her powers of persuasion.<p>

"It seems a bit ridiculous to me, but from what I've heard from Rachel, she'd have no desire to _actually_ start dating you again, so I suppose there's really nothing for me to worry about," Kristina tells Jesse, and he has to stop his jaw from dropping in surprise. He never thought she'd agree to this.

"'_From what Rachel told you?'_ What did she say?"

Kristina shrugs, smirking a bit. "Just mentioned a bit of your past. And how, up until a few weeks ago, she wouldn't have minded seeing you being eaten by any kind of large jungle cat."

"And her saying that doesn't bother you in the slightest?"

"I give her credit for actually saying that to me directly. In fact, it's kind of funny."

"To you. It's funny _to you_ because you're not the one she wants to feed to a zoo animal."

Kristina just laughs. "Probably true. Although, I'm not very concerned for your safety. I think Rachel's probably harmless, although I do feel sorry for this guy you're trying to pull one over on."

"Why?" he asks, looking at her in confusion.

"From what Rachel's told me, it just seems like he really loves her. And they were together for a long time. It can't be that easy to just let her go."

He nods in response, letting a silence fall over them for a few minutes. It's true—Jesse doesn't particularly like Finn, but he can't say that he wouldn't be acting the same if he were in his position. Not necessarily with Rachel, but with any girl he would have dated for over eight years. It's a long time to be with someone to just have it end suddenly.

"So, should we set some ground rules for this thing, seeing as I have to pretend to date another woman?" he asks, breaking the silence.

"Just don't actually do anything to get yourself in trouble with me," Kristina says, shrugging. "You're smart. You should be able to figure it out."

"That's helpful."

"Jesse, you're not an idiot. Don't cheat on me, and I think we'll be okay."

"Fine. Glad you're so concerned about this."

"Should I be?" she asks, looking up directly at him. "Tell me honestly, do I have a reason to be worried?"

"No," he replies instantly, without a second thought. He leans over to place a kiss on her forehead. "No, you do not."

* * *

><p>Finn comes down with a terrible head cold three days before the opening night of her show.<p>

Part of her is disappointed, since he's still her friend and she still appreciates his never-ending support of her career. However, a part of her is glad that she won't have to worry about some kind of pre- or post-show fiasco involving Jesse and Kristina meeting Finn. If her plan to use Jesse as a buffer in her relationship with Finn is going to work, she can't let them meet somewhere where Jesse's _real_ girlfriend will be present.

Another small benefit of him being ill is that they can't spend much time together. He knows that if she were to catch whatever virus he has and get sick right before opening night, she'd break his neck with her own two hands. There's not really an efficient quarantine room to keep him in while he's sick, though, so he just kind of stays in his little corner of the living room, and Rachel mostly holes up in the bedroom with a can of Lysol spray. The nice thing is that he doesn't take the avoidance personally this time, so she has nothing to worry about.

She decides that she'll wait a few days after the opening to break the news to Finn about Jesse. If she can convince Finn that she's recently just run into him, then she's sure everything else will go off without a hitch. She knows that Finn has no idea Jesse's been performing on Broadway for the last few years, or that he's actually the real-life co-star of her on-stage leading lady, because the only thing Finn keeps up to date on is the NFL and when the little Mexican restaurant down the street has 40 cent tacos.

And so, on opening night, she sets the plan in motion, hugging Jesse for a few press photos ("we're old friends," she'll tell them), and giving possibly the best performance of her life up on stage that night.

Her only pang of disappointment comes from the realization that Finn's not out there in the front row.

It was a dream of theirs back in high school, and she never realized that she's carried it with her all of these years.

But she pushes on. Because she's Rachel Berry and that's what she does. Sticks to the plan. Goes with her original instinct.

Until today, she's never felt quite so uneasy about trusting herself.

* * *

><p>She doesn't make it back home until nearly 3:30 am. Opening night was a fantastic success, and her cast mates had insisted on going out to celebrate. She's hardly drunk, but she was having such an amazing night that time got away from her, and before she knows it, she's creeping into the apartment at 3:23 am, trying not to make too much noise.<p>

The first thing she sees when she shuts the door behind her and turns around is the light flickering from the TV, the sound down low. Finn must have fallen asleep watching something, and with that thought, her eyes wander to the couch. She sees him, lying on his stomach, fast asleep on the couch. There are tissues scattered on the floor around him, and one of his arms is hanging off the couch. His mouth is hanging open as he snores, and she figures he must be congested and having trouble breathing through his nose.

Rachel smiles sadly. She really missed him tonight, more than she'd like to admit. She remembers the days they'd spent lying on her bed back in high school, when they were seventeen and eighteen and still deliriously in love. They weren't perfect, but sometimes it felt that way, and so talking about the future, planning out their lives, didn't seem so crazy back then. She remembers how she'd tell him her dreams for her career, the roles she wanted to play, and how he'd always smile and tell her he couldn't wait to see her play all of them. How he said he'd sit front row for every single show and give her a standing ovation at the end, no matter what.

He was supposed to be there tonight, sitting front row, watching her make her debut up on the stage she's dreamed about since she was a little girl. She doesn't care that they're not together anymore—not at 3:30 am while she watches him sleep, his nose red and puffy, his face scrunched up. It doesn't matter that her dads flew in and many of her friends showed up (well, it _does _matter, but that doesn't seem so important to her now). She loves her dads and she loves her friends, but it doesn't make up for the fact that her _best_ friend wasn't there.

Because no matter what happens, he's her best friend. He'll always be, she knows. No matter what she tries to tell herself, no one in the world knows her better than Finn. No one in the world has been there for her like he has, has made such an impact on her life. He's her best friend, and she wanted him there tonight.

She walks over to the couch, finding the TV remote on the floor and turning it off. She careful grabs the end of the blanket that's hanging off the lower half of his body and pulls it up to his shoulder, tucking it in around him to keep it from sliding off and to the floor. Letting her hand slide up, she runs her fingers over the top of his head, brushing his hair back as she watches him intently, his body rising and falling with each breath he takes. Leaning forward slowly, she presses the gentlest of kisses to his forehead, lingering for only a moment before pulling back.

She almost whispers, "I love you."

* * *

><p>When she wakes up the next morning, Finn's already gone to work, and she's shocked to see that it's almost 11 am already. Wandering into the kitchen, she finds another note from Finn on the counter.<p>

_Broadwayworld told me that you killed it last night! I always knew you'd make it, Rach :)_

There's a cute little smile at the end, and part of her wants to cry. He really did always believe in her, even when they were only sixteen years old and getting hit in the face with slushies because being in Glee club wasn't cool at all. But he told her she was amazing and that she'd make something of herself one day, because she was bigger than Glee and Lima and the losers at their high school.

He said she was bigger than him, and she told him that he was crazy—that he was perfect for her, and that he made her better.

A part of her still believes that, but then she starts to think that maybe all of her still believes that, so she pushes the feeling back down.

She reads the note again, and suddenly a thought registers—? _Shit._

She races over to grab her laptop that's resting on the coffee table, frantically hitting the power button. _Shit, shit shit, _is all she can think as the computer slowly turns on, and she curses her old laptop. She did take a few pictures with Jesse last night, and she knows that Kristina and Jesse were most definitely photographed together. She doesn't even want to know what he'll say to her the next time they're together if he's seen any of the pictures.

When she finally gets the Internet up and to the site, she she's herself front and center on the page, headlines reading about the show. She takes a moment to get excited and remembers that she needs to check her phone soon—she's probably got a ton of voicemails and texts on there.

She sees a few photos right on the front page—one of her and Kristina, one of each of them, and a few of some of the other actors and actresses. She clicks on the link to the article, quickly skimming it before clicking on the link to the gallery. She wades through a number of cast photos, mostly of individuals or small groups. When she finally does get to a picture of Jesse, it's about 25 pictures in, and she lets out a sigh of relief. If there's one thing she knows about Finn, it's that he has an incredibly short attention span, and she figures he found what he needed about eight pictures in.

She can't be certain until she talks to him, but she thinks she's in the clear. She sets the laptop back down on the table, leaving the page up so she can come back and read the article in a moment, but first she walks to the kitchen, grabbing Finn's note off the counter

She walks into her bedroom, kneeling down beside the bed and reaching under, pulling out a large black and white box. Gently, she lifts the cover up, biting her lip upon seeing the contents. Lying right on top is a frame, holding a picture of her and Finn that was taken at one of the first shows of hers he came to see right after moving to New York. She's sitting on his lap, her arms wound around his neck, her face resting against his shoulders.

She blinks back tears as she places the note on top of the picture, puts the lid back onto the box, and slides it back under the bed.

* * *

><p>The revealing of the Jesse secret does not go well.<p>

She waits a few days until she has a night off when the show is dark, and she lets him take out to dinner as a little celebration. She figures that a public place might be the right kind of place to break the news to him about Jesse, because (she hopes) he'll keep from making too much of a scene.

"So," she mutters halfway through dinner, "I um…I have something I need to tell you."

He nods at her as he takes a bite of his steak, encouraging her to tell him.

"I started seeing someone," she says quickly, watching as he stops chewing, his fork practically hanging from his mouth. "And uh, you know him," she continues, biting the inside of her cheek, chewing nervously. It's a habit she really needs to break.

When he just stares at her, eyes wide, she knows she just needs to tell him.

"You remember Jesse St. James, right?"

He starts choking.

* * *

><p>"Finn, wait!" she cries, chasing after him into the apartment, "can't we talk about this?"<p>

"What's there to talk about, Rachel? How you can't be bothered try and work out the relationship we had for eight years, but you can forgive the douche bag who cracked a fucking egg on your head back in high school?"

She cringes at his language and angry tone. After she had mentioned Jesse, Finn had been livid. He asked the waitress for the check, and when she tried to get him to stay, the glare he sent her was so angry that she thought he might actually yell at her, right then and there. However, he had just slipped some bills into the check and stood up, leaving her at the table. She had managed to catch him right as he was getting into a taxi, and although he let her share it with him on the ride home, he hadn't said a word to her.

He sits down on the couch, leaning forward and practically throwing his head into his hands, clenching his fists over his eyes.

"Finn," she says softly, sitting down next to him and trying to pull his hands away from his face.

"Don't!" he says, flinching away, looking at her angrily. "Don't even try, Rachel. How could you do this?"

"Finn, that 's not fair, people change, and—"

"Oh yeah?" he cuts her off, frowning. "People change? _Everything_ changes Rachel. We grow up and things change, and you learn how to deal with and work through those changes. _We_ grew up and changed and you couldn't even try to make our relationship work! But Jesse St. James comes along, and he's probably _changed_, so that's what you picked. You picked someone who changed all on his own because you didn't care enough to work through the changes going on with _us._"

"That's not—that's not it!" she argues, raising her voice. "Finn, our relationship, it wasn't working! We weren't happy, and sometimes it's better to let things go instead of trying to force them to work."

"Bullshit," he replies, shaking his head. "That's such bullshit, Rach. How could you try to make it that simple? Rachel, I've loved you for _so long_. We went through so much in high school, and we got through it all. And then we suffered through all those college years apart, but we got through that too, because we knew we were meant to be. That we'd be together in the end because, damn it, Rachel, what we have isn't something you find again! And you're just going to forget about it because things got difficult. Because things _changed._"

"That's so unfair, Finn. You don't even know—"

"All I know is that I loved—fuck, _still_ love you, and you'd rather just date the prick that betrayed you back in high school. He lied to you about Shelby and threw eggs at you, and I told you that I loved you, but he wins."

"Finn, please," she tries, reaching for his arm as tears now fall from her eyes, but he just pulls away, standing up.

"I can't deal with this," he mumbles, walking away from her and through into the bathroom. When he slams the door behind him, she slides from the couch onto the floor, sobbing.

* * *

><p>He comes out an hour later, eyes red and puffy. Rachel's lying on the couch, clutching a throw pillow, eyes looking quite similar to his.<p>

She sits up when she hears him moving towards her. "Are you okay?"

"No," he says, moving to sit next to her.

"Can we talk?" she asks quietly.

"No. I don't…Can I just go to sleep, Rachel?"

"Fine," she replies softly, standing up. "I'm sorry, you know."

"I know."

"Do you care?"

He looks up at her then, confused. "What?"

"Do you care that I'm sorry? Does it actually make a difference?" she asks softly, her eyes trained on the ground.

He takes a moment, looking at her standing in front of him. She looks so small, tinier than normal when she's sad, as if she's drawing in and closing herself off. He sighs, running a hand over his face and into his hair. It's impossible for him to truly be mad at her. He's never been able to hold out for long.

"Yes, it does," he answers, reaching out to grab her hand. She looks up quickly when his hand touches hers, and when he curls his fingers around her hand and tugs her gently, she sits next to him on the couch, looking down to her lap.

"I loved—_love_ you so much, Rach. I know that you are like, over us, but I'm not. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be. And it's so fucking hard thinking of you with...with _him_." He pauses, turning to look at her. "I'm never going to be okay with you being with someone else, because I'm always going to wish it was me."

She sniffles and wipes at her eyes quickly as tears threaten to fall.

"Finn, I just—"

"I know," he says softly, cutting her off. "You're trying to move on. And I'm wrong for trying to stop you."

She stands up then, nodding her head quickly.

"I'm sorry—_so_ sorry," she whispers before she turns and makes her way towards the bedroom.

Once she's safely inside with the door closed, she collapses on the bed, sobbing.

This is wrong, she thinks. It's so, so wrong.

* * *

><p>"Finn knows."<p>

Jesse looks up from the menu he's scanning to see Rachel hovering over him, looking less-than-excited. He motions for her to take a seat across from him at the café as he looks at her curiously.

"One, how did you find me, and two, how did it go?"

"Kristina said you'd be here on your break for lunch, and let's just say that if you ever see Finn approaching you, you would be wise to either run away as fast as you possibly can or get on your knees and begin begging him to spare your life."

Jesse's eyes go wide. "Wow, that bad, huh? Is he still harboring that silly high school grudge?"

"He's just protective," Rachel replies, shrugging. "Honestly, he seemed more upset than mad, so I doubt you'll have anything to really worry about. But you know…"

"Keep an eye out," Jesse finishes, and Rachel nods. "Got it.

"He was really upset last night," she says, biting her lip a little. "I don't blame him. Sometimes I feel like I'm torturing him."

"You can't feel guilty just because you can reciprocate his feelings any longer, Rachel. You can't pretend to love someone just because they love you. It's not fair to either of you."

"Well, pretending isn't so much the issue—I think I'll always love Finn, at least a little. We were together for so long, and in a way, we learned how to love from each other."

"'Learned how to love,'" Jesse repeats, smiling and looking off into the distance. "The most eloquent way to say 'lost your virginity to."

"Shut up!" Rachel hisses, reaching across the table to swat him playfully. "That's not what I meant! Although, if you want to get specific, he _is_ the only person I've ever _been_ with." She smirks, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest.

Jesse claps slowly, leaning forward a bit. "Well congratulations, Queen of Virtue. Would you like an award? Perhaps a trophy or a ribbon?"

"Ha ha ha," she says dryly, rolling her eyes. "Sarcasm not appreciated, as much as you seem to think it is. Anyways, I actually have to run."

"But you just got here," Jesse says, confused.

"I was just stopping by to see if I could catch you before I have to be at the theater."

"Rehearsal? Kristina said you don't have one until tomorrow."

Rachel shakes her head, putting her sunglasses on top of her head. "No, I just have to go meet with the costume manager. I've been having issues with one of my dresses and we're going to see if there's anything she can do about it."

"Ahh, been snaking too much? Too much after-show partying?" Jesse jokes.

"Shut up," Rachel replies, shaking her head. "I'll have you know my outfits fit just fine. But the zipper on one of the dresses is cutting into my back and I would prefer to remain unharmed by my clothing."

"Alright, well I better not keep you. I'll probably see you tomorrow then if I stop by your rehearsal."

"Wonderful. See you then!" Rachel says before she turns to hurry off. She waves once quickly over her shoulder before she disappears around a corner.

"Drama," Jesse mutters, smiling as she runs off.

It's a good thing he thrives on it.


	3. Chapter 3

The plan unravels quicker than anyone expected, really. The only problem is, Rachel doesn't know it until it's too late.

The next day, Kristina's sitting at the theater in her dressing room, waiting for Jesse to arrive so they can go grab some lunch on her break. Rachel's already gone, out getting her own food, when she sees a tall, adorably attractive man walk past her door. He's dressed nicely, in slacks and a button-up shirt rolled up to the elbows. He also looks a little lost and confused.

She's wary, but he looks familiar to her for some reason, so she decides to see if he needs help. Plus, she doesn't know how he would get back here unless he was supposed to here.

She gets up and looks out her doorway to see him standing outside of Rachel's locked dressing room, looking around aimlessly. He pulls out his phone after a minute, scrolling through something, before she says something.

"Looking for Rachel?" she asks, and he snaps his head around quickly to look at her.

"Uh, yeah," he says, before his eyes light up in recognition. He moves towards her after a second. "You're Kristina, aren't you?"

"That's me," she says, eyeing him, "and you are?"

"Finn," he says quickly. "I'm Finn, Rachel's uhh, roommate. I don't know if she's ever said—"

"Oh Finn, I've heard plenty about you," Kristina cuts him off, smiling. She wonders why he looks so anxious. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I was just stopping by on my break to see if I could maybe take Rachel out to lunch. She mentioned that she'd probably be free this week, so I thought I'd surprise her, but I guess she's not here."

"You just missed her," Kristina responds. "She left a bit ago to—" she stops short when she notices Finn's attention focus on something behind her, and whatever he's looking at clearly isn't making him happy, if the frown on his face tells her anything. She turns a little to look over her shoulder, only to find Jesse walking up to them.

"Well, if it isn't Finn Hudson," Jesse starts, smirking a little as he reaches Kristina's dressing room and leans against the door frame, crossing his arms over his chest. "We meet again."

Finn rolls his eyes, already annoyed. Leave it to Jesse to, of course, make things more dramatic than necessary.

"Jesse," Finn mumbles through gritted teeth. "I was hoping I'd never have to see you ever again."

"Well, I can assure you that I had no real desire to see you again either," Jesse replies casually, still smirking. "You know, seeing as you assaulted me the last time we saw each other. Good times, really."

"Well you deserved it."

Kristina can see that if this goes any farther, she's going to have to go find a security guard to pry Finn off of Jesse, so she jumps in quickly.

"What a pleasant reunion. I can tell you two must have been close back in the day," she says sarcastically. "Anyways, now that we've all said hi, we can just pretend the two of you never ran into each other. Perfect."

The two barely acknowledge Kristina's words, because only seconds later, Finn's directing more words at Jesse. "What are you doing here anyways if Rachel's gone? Forget you were stopping by?"

It takes Jesse a minute to remember that, oh yeah, Finn thinks he and Rachel are together. He opens his mouth to come up with some kind of plausible excuse, since "I'm actually here to take my real girlfriend to lunch," won't exactly work.

"I, um—"

"I think Rachel went to pick them up lunch," Kristina jumps in, saving Jesse from stumbling all over himself trying to think of an excuse. "Right Jesse?"

"Yes, that is exactly what she's doing," Jesse agrees, and Kristina turns to look at him for just a moment, making a face telling him to pull it together. Luckily, Finn buys it.

"Oh, well I guess then I'll head out." His face falls a bit and Kristina's heart breaks just a little at the sight of his sad eyes. Now she really has no idea how Rachel is able to tell this man "no" on a daily basis.

She follows him with her eyes as he starts to walk away, and she stomps her foot a little in frustration. She knows she _really_ shouldn't do what she's about to do, but she just _feels_for Finn. He looks like someone just kicked his puppy or something.

"Finn, wait!" she calls, clenching her arms at her side as she does it. _Bad, bad, bad idea_, she thinks, but she can't stop herself. Jesse's just watching her with wide eyes, wondering what the hell she's doing.

Finn walks back over then, looking at curiously. "Yeah?"

"Do you, uh, want to grab something to eat with me? I mean, I was just going to eat a salad by myself in my dressing room, so I figure having some company for lunch might not be so bad."

Jesse's mouth falls open and she's thankful that Finn's behind him so that he won't see the shocked expression on his face. He mouths a _"what the hell?"_but she can't respond as Finn just looks at her, frowning a little.

"Really? Are…are you sure?" he asks.

"Yeah, of course. I mean, you came all the way over to the theater, and I'm uh, not eating with anyone, so why not?

"Oh, well…sure, I guess," Finn says, shrugging. "Thanks."

"No problem. Just let me grab my purse quickly and then we can go," Kristina replies before ducking into her dressing room, Jesse following right behind her.

"What are you doing?" Jesse whispers frantically once they're safely inside. "Are you crazy?"

"I don't know!" she hisses back, grabbing her purse off her makeup counter and spinning back around to look at him. "I just, I feel bad for the guy!"

"Oh, so it's a pity lunch. Nice."

"That's not what I meant! I just mean, as much as I love Rachel, I don't think Finn deserves to be flung around like this, and he deserves at least one person who gives a fuck about his feelings!"

Jesse reels back at her language, his eyes widening a bit. "Whoa, alright. Sorry."

Kristina's face softens then, and she sighs, shaking her head. "I just…I'm starting to feel like this whole plan is a bad idea."

All Jesse can do is shrug. "I know what you mean but—we're already in it, aren't we?"

Kristina nods, before moving past Jesse, smiling weakly. "You might want to call Rachel and ask her to bring you something back with her to eat."

"Great," he mumbles, following her back out of the room.

"Ready?" Kristina asks and Finn looks up from his phone quickly.

"Yeah, let's go."

"Lovely to see you again, Finn, really," Jesse calls out sarcastically as Kristina and Finn begin to walk away, but Finn just rolls his eyes, ignoring him.

"I hate him so much," Finn mutters, and Kristina actually laughs.

* * *

><p>They end up walking to a little sandwich shop only two blocks from the theater, which isn't all that crowded, thankfully. Once they've gotten their food, Kristina decides to dive into what she expects to be the most awkward conversation of her life.<p>

"So…you and Rachel are, uh, roommates, huh?"

Smooth.

Finn just looks up at her from his sandwich, frowning slightly.

"Uh, yeah. Roommates."

"Sorry," she says quickly, looking right at him. "I mean, I know you guys used to date so you weren't always just roommates and oh God why am I saying this I am so sorry." It's like word vomit, and she just can't stop herself before she's said far too much. "I really need to work on the whole verbal filter thing."

The truth is, she usually has no problem keeping quiet, but she's incredibly nervous because this is Finn. She's trying to keep Rachel's secret, she really is, but every time she looks at his sad eyes, she just has the urge to spill the beans.

Thankfully, he just smiles a little. "It's cool, don't worry about it. Rachel and I, we have a lot of history. It's not really something you can avoid. Or like, pretend didn't happen."

He looks down again, and Kristina's face falls.

"We started dating when we were sixteen. And we had problems, but we always got through them. And now, it's just eight years down the drain."

Kristina just stares at him, her eyes wide. She knew they had been together since high school, but actually just hearing "eight years" really strikes a chord. She's never been in a relationship that long—hell, most people around their age haven't. But the thought of something that, well, _intense_, ending, kind of breaks her heart.

"I'm sorry," she says softly, but Finn just shakes his head.

"No, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with me talking about this."

"It's okay," she says, shrugging. "I don't mind. You could probably use someone to talk to." When he looks at her curiously, she quickly amends her statement. "I mean, I'm not saying you need to talk to someone. I just meant to say that I'm a good listener."

He smiles then, finally. "I can tell why Rachel likes you so much."

* * *

><p>Forty-five minutes later, they're still at the sandwich shop, their food long gone but the conversation remaining.<p>

She listens intently as Finn tells her about himself and Rachel, about how they got together and fell in love and then, as she knows all too well by now, fell apart. All Rachel had really ever told her was about how they dated throughout high school and college, and then Finn moved out to New York, but she had left out so many details—like how much they struggled to be together in high school or how hard it was keeping their relationship intact while they were both away at separate colleges. When Finn begins telling her about how he moved out to New York just to be with Rachel and support her, Kristina is shocked.

"So you mean that you'd never be here if it weren't for Rachel?" she asks, and he shrugs a little.

"No, I'd probably still be stuck in Lima, working at my step-dad's tire shop or something. Rachel always pushed me because she said I was capable of _more_. I didn't really get it until I got to college and realized that everything was up to me. I had to make my own decisions and do things on my own in order to succeed, and Rachel's the one who showed me that I was capable of succeeding. Of being more than a Lima loser."

"So you don't regret it?"

He answers without missing a beat.

"No. Never." He hesitates then, looking away from her for only a second. "I don't know if I'll ever get over Rachel, but…it's okay. I'll always love her and it's okay. I know everyone always says something like this, but I want Rachel to be happy. I'm really proud of her for making it here in New York, for being on Broadway, for getting her dreams. And I always kind of thought I'd be the one with her when it happened, as like, her boyfriend or her husband or whatever. But I guess if it's not me, then I just want her to be with someone who makes her happy. So if Jesse does that, then okay."

And in that moment, Kristina can't take it anymore.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God," she mutters under her breathe, letting her head fall into her hands. She can't do it, she can't lie to this man after he's sat with her for an hour, telling her the story of how he fell in love with a girl only to end up broken hearted and _lied to_.

"Are you okay?" Finn asks, seeing the obvious distress in her face and hearing her mumbling to herself.

"Yeah, I just…I have to tell you something."

"Okay?" Her words take Finn back to a time in high school, and he can tell this isn't going to be good.

"Rachel isn't dating Jesse," she says before she can stop herself. She cringes, waiting for his reaction.

"Wait, what?"

She doesn't want to explain it, because she doesn't want to be responsible for the pain she's about to cause, but she knows she has to.

"It's an act," she says softly, looking down and refusing to meet his eyes. "Rachel thinks that if you think she's dating Jesse, then you'll start trying to move on."

When she finally does look up, she sees a look of complete disbelief on his face, his mouth hanging open just slightly, his eyes narrowed.

"I'm actually the one dating Jesse. We've been dating for, well, a while."

"How long is a while?"

"More than a year."

Finn just nods, looking away for a moment. She thinks that maybe he's okay—maybe he's the kind of person that stays calm and internalizes things thoroughly before talking about his feelings on them. Her sigh of relief is cut short when he starts speaking again, though.

"Well that's just really awesome, now isn't it? So fucking awesome," he hisses, standing up abruptly.

"Finn wait!" she calls, following him as he begins to make his way out of the shop storming off back in the direction of the theater. "Don't do anything you might regret, please," she pleads, catching up to him, grabbing on to his arm. She doesn't know when she seemed to become so comfortable around this man, but her only thoughts in the moment are preserving his sanity, her friendship with Rachel, and her boyfriend's face.

He finally stops walking, turning to look at her. His angry face falls away then, leaving only a sad frown and downcast eyes.

"Let me walk you back to the theater," is all he says before he turns back around and starts walking again. She follows, but neither of them say a word the entire walk back.

* * *

><p>Rachel and Jesse are sitting in her dressing room when Finn and Kristina get back. They're laughing together over something trivial when Finn appears in the doorway, his expression angry.<p>

"Oh, hey Finn. What are you doing here?" Rachel asks, aware that he had went out with Kristina, but unsure of what he's doing back here again. When she sees Kristina standing off behind him, a worried expression on her face, Rachel's heart drops. She knows nothing good is about to happen. "Is…is everything okay?" she asks tentatively.

"No, it's no," he snaps, practically growling. "You…you _lied_to me? You're not dating him!" he spits out, motioning to Jesse. "You know, I thought I meant more to you than that Rachel. I know I've had a hard time after everything but I thought you'd at least respect me enough to not lie to me!"

"Respect _you_?" Rachel responds, standing up as her expression starts to match his. "Like how you respected me all that time I tried to move on and see other people? Respect you like the way you've respected my decision to move on from this relationship? You have a lot of nerve coming in here and yelling at me about that, Finn. You're a hypocrite."

"Yeah?" He spits back, looking straight at her. "Well, I'm sorry if trying to hold on to you because I love you _so fucking much_makes me a hypocrite. I'm sorry if getting angry because you hate me so much that you'd rather be in a fake relationship than be with me makes me a hypocrite."

Her face falls, and her heart physically hurts when he says that she hates him, because nothing is farther from the truth. "Finn—"

"No," he says, cutting her, shaking his head. "I'm done. Congratulations. You'll never have to worry about me again." With that, he turns and begins to walk away.

"Finn, wait!" Rachel cries, chasing after him. She tries to grab his arm but he just flinches away and keeps walking, ignoring her pleads for him to stop.

And then he's gone.

* * *

><p>He's not at the apartment when she gets home a few hours later. Her eyes are red and swollen because she spent her entire walk home crying. She had held it in throughout rehearsal, but once she was out of the theater, she couldn't stop the tears. She knows she screwed up, more than either of them have before.<p>

She looks for any sign from him, a note, anything to tell her where he might be. She finds nothing, so she figures the only thing she can do is wait for him to come home.

She needs him to come home.

* * *

><p>He doesn't come home.<p>

She cries herself to sleep.

* * *

><p>It takes four days before she sees him again. She's called him and texted him what had to be hundreds of times by now. She called every single one of their friends in the city but none of them had heard from him. She even called Kurt to see if he had heard from his stepbrother.<p>

"He called me to tell me what happened," Kurt had told her, his tone short. She knew that he was angry with her for what she had done, and she knew he had a right to be.

"I'm so worried about him, Kurt," she cried, but it didn't matter. Aside from having spoken to Finn in the last 24 hours, Kurt knew about as much as Rachel.

"You know how he is," Kurt said. "He gets so worked up—not to say it isn't warranted in this situation, but you know he's not going to come around so easily. Who knows when he's going to want to see you again."

It's a hard truth to swallow, but she hopes and prays for him to come home.

She's sitting on the couch one night, staring straight ahead at the wall in front of her. The TV is off, everything is silent, but she just stares. She feels dead inside. She didn't realize just how much life he gave her, even when they were roommates and nothing more. She feels dead, emotionless.

It's silent, painfully so, when she hears a key turn and the front door open. And there's Finn, walking in with a duffle bag hanging over his shoulder. When he sees her sitting on the couch, he freezes.

"Finn—"

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the theater?" His voice is cold, emotionless. He's not happy to see her.

"I…I called out tonight. My understudy is on. Where have you been?" she asks timidly.

"Like you care," he replies, sounding bitter.

"Of course I care. You were gone for four days. I was worried."

"I'm not yours to worry about."

"You're my best friend," she whispers, looking at him, pleading for him to understand.

"Yeah? Well you have a really interesting way of treating your best friend," he snaps back. He starts walking across the room then, disappearing into the bedroom. She gets up to follow him, and finds him in the closet, pulling out dress shirts for work and stuffing them in the duffle bag.

"What are you doing?"

"I only came by to get more clothes. I'm staying at a hotel until I can find a new place to live."

Her eyes go wide and the color drains from her face.

"You're _leaving_?"

"Of course I'm leaving! Why would I stay?"

"Because you—you live here! We have a lease and rent!" she sputters, her hands moving around wildly. "You can't just abandon your responsibilities because you're mad!"

He laughs humorlessly at her words, shaking his head. "I honestly wish I was just mad, Rachel. But even though I know you're more than capable of paying the rent by yourself, I take some pride in being a _stand-up person_, and so I'm not just going to back out of my half. I'll mail you a check or something." And with that, he zips up the duffle and moves past her, walking out of the little closet.

"Wait! Can't we talk, Finn? Please?" she pleads, following him back out into the living room once again.

"What's there to talk about? You wanted me out of your life enough to lie and make me believe you were in a relationship with someone I hate. Pretty simple."

"That's not fair! I know that I went about it all the wrong way, but you're not innocent here either!" she cries, frustrated beyond belief.

Finn finally turns to look at her then. "You're right. I never should have tried to hold on to you. I never should have thought that maybe we had more time left. I shouldn't have tried so hard to make things work. I know now that you gave up on us way longer ago than I thought."

"Finn-" she says in almost a whisper. But it doesn't matter, because before she can say anything else, he spins on his heels and opens the apartment door, only pausing for a moment to look back at her quickly.

"Good luck, Rachel. I hope you get everything you've ever wanted."

And then he's gone.

She lets out a choked sob, crying for every stupid thing she's ever done.

Because she really screwed it up this time, in the most irreversible of ways, she thinks.

* * *

><p>He gets a phone call from Kurt the next day at work. He answers right away because Kurt doesn't normally call his work number, and he's afraid that something may be wrong.<p>

"Kurt? Is everything okay?"

"Can you please explain to me why I got a phone call from an extremely distraught Rachel Berry three hours ago asking me to come pick her up from LAX?"

Finn frowns at his stepbrother's words. "What?"

"Rachel. She called me, telling me that she had just landed in LA, and she asked if I could not only pick her up from the airport but let her stay with me for a few days."

"Are you serious?"

"Would I joke about this, Finn?" Kurt says humorlessly, and Finn knows that flying cross-country without telling anybody is a very Rachel Berry thing to do. So no, Kurt is most likely not joking.

"Why?"

"Well, between sobs—because she cried the entire way home from the airport—she said something about needing to get out of the city. I'm sure I heard your name jumbled up in there somewhere as well."

"Shocking," Finn mutters sarcastically.

"You need to get her out of here," Kurt says, his tone serious, and Finn can't believe his ears.

"Excuse me?" Finn says in disbelief. "_I_need to get her out of there? I don't think so."

"Finn, I can tolerate Rachel for about five, maybe six hours. A day tops. If you don't get her out of this apartment then she may never return to New York."

"What, are you going to keep her there or something?"

"No, I'm going to kill her, idiot. You are the only person who knows how to handle her," Kurt tries, his voice sounding a bit desperate.

"So? I'm done with her, Kurt. I used to know how to handle her because I _used_to know who she was. Now I'm not so sure," Finn replies.

"God, you two are way more similar than I ever thought. Or maybe her drama queen ways just rubbed off on you," Kurt says, rolling his eyes.

"What's that even supposed to mean?" Finn asks, confused.

"It means that you're being ridiculous," Kurt answers. "I know she hurt you, but all she did was pretend to date Jesse—who, by the way, would never be serious competition for you. I can't believe you even fell for that in the first place."

"Why wouldn't I believe her?" he replies, starting to get angry. "I mean, it's not like she's lied to me before…that I know of," he mumbles, frowning.

"Listen Finn, I'm not telling you to forgive and forget or take her back—I don't even know if she wants that, considering her reason for lying in the first place. But the two of you are, above all else, best friends. You always have been."

"Friends don't lie to each other," Finn snaps.

"And friends don't give up on each other completely after making a mistake," Kurt counters. "Listen, like I said, I'm not saying you need to forgive her right now and pretend it never happened. I'm just saying that maybe you could talk some sense into her. Running away to escape her problems isn't going to solve anything."

Finn sighs, letting his head fall forward so it's resting against his hand, his elbow propped up on his desk.

"What's she doing right now?" he asks after a moment.

"Sleeping. She looked like a zombie when I picked her up so I forced her to get some rest when we got back here."

"Alright, well…maybe I'll call her later or something," he tells Kurt, sighing.

"Thank you," Kurt responds before saying goodbye and hanging up the phone.

Finn groans, hanging his phone up and letting his head fall all the way forward onto his desk. He doesn't want to call her, he really doesn't. And he doesn't want to think about what Kurt said, because he just doesn't get it. He doesn't get how important honesty is to Finn and how once he's been betrayed like that, it's hard for him to move on.

But…that little voice in his head sounds off. _She wasn't with you. She didn't owe you anything more than friendship, even though you kept pressing her for more_, it says, and he groans again, picking his head up and shaking it.

No, no, no. She could have at least been honest with him. She didn't have to lie. Nothing warrants lying, he thinks.

_She wouldn't have had to lie if you had just let her go_, the voice continues, and this time, Finn shushes it under his breath. No, no, he tells himself again. He was right. He was completely right.

Right?

He groans a third time, leaning back in his chair and letting his head roll back.

He knows he's going to end up calling her tonight, whether he wants to or not.

Because she's Rachel Berry, and he's Finn Hudson, and he's never going to be able to quit her, not ever.

* * *

><p>He finally forces himself to pick up the phone right before midnight. It's taken him hours to actually convince himself that calling Rachel was something he really should do, and that he wouldn't regret it. But in the end, he figured the worst that could happen was he got angry and hung up on her.<p>

The phone rings so many times that he thinks it's going to go to voicemail, but at the very last minute, Rachel picks up, her voice frantic.

"Finn? Are you okay? Is everything okay?"

Under other circumstances, he would have laughed at her dramatics. Now, it's not nearly as amusing. He takes a deep breath, clearing his throat just bit before he responds.

"Yeah, everything's fine, Rach." Her nickname slips out before he can stop himself.

"Oh, okay. Good. Good. I'm…I'm glad you called," she says softly.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" he asks suddenly, effectively changing the tone of the conversation.

"W-what?" She's caught off guard by his words and his tone.

"Kurt called me and said you're in LA with him. What the hell were you thinking going out there?"

"I just needed to get out of the city," she murmurs sadly. He can picture her perfectly in his head, sitting on the edge of the guest bed in Kurt's apartment, head hanging. He shakes the image, though, remembering that he's supposed to be mad. Annoyed.

"So you flew across the country? What about your _job_Rachel? You are so irresponsible!"

Well, it took about a minute for them to start yelling.

"_Excuse me_?" she snaps, taken aback by his accusations. "You have no idea what's going on with me! You think you know me so well—"

"I do know you well!" he cuts her off. "And I know overreacting like this is _exactly_something that Rachel Berry would do. Things don't go your way so you act up."

"Oh, I resent that!" He can tell she's furious now, her voice snapping and high pitched.

"I can think of like, eight examples off the top of my head," he says dryly, annoyed.

"Ugh, you are so incredibly frustrating! You know, you're not even worth all the tears I've cried over you! You're just a…a…stupid pig-headed boy!"

"Whatever, Rachel. You can play victim all you want, but I never did a single thing to you. You brought all of this on yourself. All I ever did was try to save our relationship, while you tore it apart."

And with that, he hangs up the phone.

Clearly, the phone call didn't go as planned or intended.

* * *

><p>Kurt calls him twenty minutes later, when he's already in bed. He's not sleeping though. All he can do is stare up at the ceiling in the hotel room, replaying things over and over in his head. Where exactly they went wrong. How they failed.<p>

He ignores Kurt's first and second calls, but when the phone goes off for the third time, he reaches over to the night stand and grabs the phone.

"What?" he snaps, clearly agitated.

"Your job was to convince her to come home, not stay longer!" Kurt hisses on the other end of the line. "What in the world did you say to her?"

"What? I don't know, we just—we started fighting. Over who knows what. I don't want to talk about it."

"I swear to God, Finn, you better fix this. She just came marching into my bedroom, informing me that she spoke to you, and that she would be staying a little longer than originally anticipated. That was not the plan!"

"Just kick her out or something," Finn says, sighing and running a hand over his face. All he wants to do is forget about this—forget about her. "Tell her to go home or find somewhere else to stay."

"Oh right, because that will really work with Rachel," Kurt replies, and Finn can practically hear his eye roll. After a moment though, Kurt's voice turns serious. "Finn, if she doesn't go back, she's going to lose her job."

"What are you talking about?" Finn asks, confused.

"I heard her on the phone today—I think she was talking to her director. All I could hear was her asking for more time, but she sounded desperate. I can't think that Broadway takes too kindly to extended vacations," Kurt answers.

"But this job is Rachel's dream," Finn says, sitting up in bed. He can't believe that Rachel would do something to put her job, or her future Tony awards, in jeopardy.

"You know how she gets when she's irrational; she doesn't think clearly. It's her M.O."

"M.O.?"

"Modus op—it's just the way she works," Kurt replies.

Finn sighs again, shaking his head. "Well, I highly doubt that Rachel will be answering any more of my phone calls. What do you suggest I do about this."

"I think you need to come out here and get her", Kurt answers without missing a beat.

"What?"

"You heard me. You need to come out hear and bring her back. I don't care if you have to take her kicking and screaming. You need to get her out of this apartment, back on a plane, and back to New York where she belongs."

"No, no, no, absolutely not," Finn says obstinately. "No."

"Finn, if you don't, Rachel could lose _everything_. I know you're mad at her, but I also know that you still care about her. I know you don't want to see this ruin her life."

"I don't get why I have to be the one to come in and save the day," Finn mutters, upset. He's not the one who's been lying. He's the one that got hurt. Why should he help Rachel? "I don't owe her anything. There's no way_I'm_ buy a plane ticket to fly all the way out to _California_ to get _her_. Why should I?"

"Because Finn, you're a good guy. And I know you love her, regardless of what you say now and regardless of what she's done to you. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you and Rachel—you guys have a story. And I'm fairly certain it doesn't end here, with you out in New York and her bumming around my apartment in LA."

Finn grumbles, holding in the urge to throw his phone against a wall. He knows it's stupid and he knows he shouldn't do it—Rachel doesn't deserve him. She doesn't deserve him flying halfway across the country to come save her ass.

But he knows he's going to do it anyways, because he'll never be able to let her down the way she did with him.

* * *

><p>He hates airports. He hates waking up at a ridiculous hour to catch an eight am flight. He hates his dumb stepbrother.<p>

And he really hates Rachel Berry.

He grumbles the entire flight, cursing her and his stupid feelings. Because as much as he says he hates her, he never really can. He's much too far-gone.

When he finally lands at LAX, he collects his luggage in a sort of daze, wandering around until he finally hears his name practically being screamed.

He turns to see Kurt waving almost frantically, bouncing on his heels anxiously. Finn certainly doesn't share any of his energy or excitement. He's of course happy to see his stepbrother, but he just wishes the reason for the visit were different.

"Finn!" Kurt greets, hugging Finn before he can even lower his suitcase to the ground completely. "I'm so glad you're finally here!"

"Yeah, uh, me too," Finn responds, breathing once Kurt releases him from the hug.

"You look…" Kurt pauses, drawing back to look at him in his wrinkly jeans and faded old t-shirt. "Well, you've looked better. Would it kill you to brush your hair?"

"Gee, thanks," Finn mutters, running a hand over his head quickly. "It was an early flight, cut me some slack."

"Yes, well, luckily I'm just taking you back to my apartment, and I don't have to worry about anyone of real importance seeing you."

Finn just rolls his eyes, used to Kurt's comments by now. Picking his suitcase back up, he starts to walk, Kurt quickly following.

"So, uh, I guess she's probably at your apartment, huh?" Finn asks as the make their way out to the parking garage and into Kurt's car. Kurt nods, opening the back door so Finn can put hi suitcase in. "She knows I'm coming, right?"

"Well—"

"You better say yes."

Kurt just looks away and hurries around the car, getting into the driver's seat.

"Kurt, do not tell me that she has no idea I'm here," Finn says, getting into the passenger seat and turning to look at his brother.

"I couldn't! The last time I mentioned your name she burst into tears and I just can't deal with it!" Kurt replies, eyes wide.

Finn groans, letting his head fall back against the headrest. As Kurt pulls the car out and onto the road, Finn blinks at the instant sunlight. "So how did you manage to sneak away to pick me up then?"

"She thinks I'm at work. Which I was, until I took an extended lunch break to come get you."

"Oh. Well, smart, I guess."

"Plus, I'll head back as soon as I drop you off, so—"

"What?" Finn cries, causing Kurt to flinch. "You're leaving me? At your apartment? With _her_?"

"I'm sorry, but they really need me on set today! These actors aren't going to dress themselves you know!"

"No, no, no," Finn repeats over and over, shaking his head. "No. Just…no."

"Finn, please. You're acting ridiculous. You'll survive. It's just Rachel, not some weird monster or something."

"That's funny coming from you, since you're the one begging me to get her out!"

"It's different with me!" Kurt argues. "I don't get her like you do! You know how to deal with her—I can't do that."

"Well who says I can now?"

"Please, Finn. I'm pretty sure you'll forever be the only one to _really_know how to deal with her."

Finn sighs, frustrated. "Well, I don't want to be that person anymore. She can find someone else. After this, I'm done."

"You say that now," Kurt mutters to himself.

To say that their arrival at Kurt's apartment goes terrible is an understatement.

"Kurt? What are you doing ba—" Rachel's eyes go wide when she walks out of the guest room and sees Finn, standing by the door. "F-Finn?"

He doesn't say anything, just drops his suitcase next to him and continues to look straight at her, as if thinking of _what_to actually say. It doesn't matter, though, because after about five seconds tears well up in Rachel's eyes and she runs back in to the guest room, crying.

"Well, I have to run. Try not to let her near anything breakable, please," Kurt says before patting Finn on the shoulder and walking back out of the apartment.

Finn wants to kill them both.

* * *

><p>He sits on the couch in the living room for about twenty minutes, just staring ahead at the television that's not even on. He has no idea what to say to her still, so there he sits, wishing that he'll wake up from some strange dream any moment now.<p>

Of course he doesn't.

He can still hear her sobbing all the way down the hall, and eventually, it's too much for him to take. He may be angry with her, but the sound of her crying still does things to him. It makes his heart ache, even after everything that's happened.

He walks down to her room and raps softly on the door. "Rach? Rachel?" When he gets no response, he knocks again, just a little louder this time. He hears the crying stop, so he gently opens the door, just a little. She's lying, curled up on the bed, facing away from him. The only sounds coming from her now are little sniffles, but he can hear her breath hitch every few seconds, telling him the waterworks aren't completely done yet.

He doesn't know what possesses him to do it, but he walks into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Neither speaks for what seems like hours, until Rachel finally manages to form words.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to get you."

"Get me?"

He sighs. 'I came to bring you back to New York."

A humorless laugh leaves her at his words. "Why? I thought you'd be happy I was gone. You wouldn't have to worry about seeing me at all."

"Rachel—"

"Right, Finn? You hate me. I was just getting out of your way."

"I—Kurt called." He pauses, turning only slightly towards her. "He's worried about you. What about your career Rachel? You can't just…throw it all away."

She sniffles, staying turned on her side, still refusing to look at him. "I don't care," she mutters stubbornly. "I don't care anymore."

"Rach, don't—don't say that. You've worked really hard to get where you are. You can't just give it up now."

"Why do you care?"

He looks down to his lap, squeezing his eyes shut. "Because I'll always care about you, Rachel."

She lets out a choked sob, rolling over so she's on her back, looking at him. Her eyes are red and puffy, swollen from crying.

"I am so, so sorry, Finn. I am so sorry for what I did to you," she cries, sitting up. "If I could take it back, I would. I never should have broken up with you. I was so stupid, Finn. I was so stupid."

He frowns, feeling his heart pound in his chest. He lifts his head back up to look at her, trying hard not to cry himself. "Why are you saying this now? Why now, after everything? After I left."

She shakes her head, trying to keep herself together. "You know that old saying, 'you never really know what you have until it's gone'? I didn't realize how much truly losing you would kill me until it was too late."

He doesn't say anything, just thinks about her words.

"When we broke up, you were still there. Even though we weren't together, I still had you there with me. And, on a subconscious level, I think that as long as you still wanted me, I felt safe. I don't know why I wanted to move on, I really don't. Because all I can think now is how much I'll never forgive myself for letting you go."

She breaks down again then, her face crumbling as she falls forward, burying her face in her hands, curling up into a ball. She cries so violently she begins to shake, and Finn's heart breaks at the sight.

"I-I still love you so much," she chokes out between wrenching cries. "I'd do anything, anything to take our break-up back. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, hey" he murmurs, scooting up closer to her and grabbing her around the waist, lifting her like a child into his lap. She buries her face in his neck, wrapping her arms around him so tightly he doesn't think he'll ever get away. "It's okay."

She sobs, and he runs a hand soothingly up her back. And in that moment, he knows.

"I forgive you."

* * *

><p>He wakes up hours later, his arms curled around her. He remembers holding her while she cried for what seemed like hours, until she finally wore herself out. Apparently, all the emotions had worn him out as well, because when he looks over at the clock resting on the nightstand, it's well past five o'clock.<p>

"Shit," he mutters under his breath, removing his arms from around Rachel and slowly sitting up, careful not to move the bed too much and wake her up. He practically tiptoes out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.

As he walks down the hall, Kurt's voice from the kitchen startles him. "You two looked awfully cozy in there."

"Jesus, Kurt," he nearly yells, stumbling. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing in my own apartment? Oh, I don't know—"

"No, I mean," Finn sighs, running a hand over his face, "I just thought you usually get home a lot later."

"Finished shooting for the day early," Kurt replies, smiling smugly. "Why, did you want a little more private time with Rachel? Didn't take you two very long."

"No, we didn't—nothing happened," Finn mumbles, flopping down on Kurt's couch. "She cried to me for like, ever, before we both just fell asleep."

"Well, that's _something_," Kurt says, raising his eyebrows as he walks over to sit next to Finn. "The fact that you actually allowed her to speak—or cry—to you, I guess."

Finn nods, staying quiet for a few moments before turning his head to look at his brother. "What am I going to do, Kurt?" he mumbles, letting his head fall backwards.

"Do about what?" Kurt asks, stabbing some greens from the salad he had been making himself with his fork.

"Rachel. I already told her I forgave her. It's like…I can't say no to her, ever," he finishes softly. There's a hint of sadness to his voice that Kurt picks up on immediately.

"So? We all knew it was going to happen eventually." When Finn fails to reply, Kurts sighs, setting his salad down on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Listen, Finn. I told you this before, but obviously you're still upset and hurt—"

"Well, yeah," Finn begins to interrupt, but Kurt shushes him, continuing.

"You're still upset, but Rachel's your soul mate, Finn. I know it, our family and friends know it, people who've seen you two interact like once probably know it. And I think that deep down, the two of you know it as well. Except she got freaked out by the fact that she met hers in high school, which doesn't normally happen, and you got upset when she failed to brush her shock and fear off so easily."

"Her fear?"

"Like I said, people don't normally meet the ones they're meant to be with when they're fifteen years old. I think Rachel realized at some point that you and her were it, and I mean _it_," Kurt says, putting emphasis on the word, "and it scared her. You're young, and you've never really been with anyone else, at least not seriously. I think she began to worry about what would happen if, after all this time, you guys didn't end up working out forever."

"So then why did she have to go and end it if that was what she was so scared of in the first place?" Finn asks, confused.

"To try and keep control of the situation? I mean, I'm not a psychologist, but I think that personal control is what it all stems from. I think she was most afraid of you deciding that you were done with her at some point, and she wouldn't be able to deal with it if that were to ever happen. So, in a way, a wrong way, she was trying to protect herself," Kurt answers, looking sympathetically at Finn. He feels for them, both Finn and Rachel, because he's fairly sure that there are no winners in this situation—only two people who end up hurt.

"But I—I wasn't going to leave her," Finn says, sitting back up and frowning. "I don't understand why she would think that."

"Well, you were fighting a lot, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but every couple fights, and we would have gotten over it eventually."

"Except the two of you have never _really_fought, at least not seriously. I mean, the last time you came close to 'fighting,' we were all in high school and she kissed your best friend because you lost your virginity to a girl who turned out to be a lesbian. Speaking of the devil, have you heard from Santana—"

"Kurt, not the point of this conversation."

"Sorry, anyways. I just think that Rachel got scared by what was happening, and then she overreacted. And as everything spun out of control and she got herself in deeper trouble with that plan, I think it was too much for her to admit to even herself. And then you found out, and well, here we are."

"Here we are," Finn repeats, shaking his head a little. "That is like, a lot of information to digest at once."

"Well, you said that you already forgave her, or at least you told her you forgave her. So I guess you can only really go up from here, right?"

"Something like that," he replies, sighing.

There's a pause then, both of them thinking to themselves, before Kurt speaks softly. "I think that even though everything seems really screwed up right now, things will work out. You two have always had a way of finding your way back to each other." Finn turns to look at him, and Kurt smiles just a little. "Plus, I kind of had a two-for-one deal going on—best friend and future sister-in-law all in one. I don't think I could get used to anyone else at this point."

Finn just shakes his head, trying to stop himself from smiling. Before he can respond, though, a voice from the hall surprises them.

"Finn?"

They turn to find Rachel standing there, her arms wrapped protectively around herself while she looks shyly at them.

"Hey, Rach," he says softly, and he can see her smile when he speaks to her.

"Hello, Rachel," Kurt says then, picking his salad back up off the table. "How was your nap? When are you leaving?"

"Kurt," Finn groans as he watches the smile fall from Rachel's face, her mouth forming a thin line in annoyance. Before she can snap back at him, however, Finn jumps up off the couch.

"Hey, want to go talk for a minute?" he asks, walking over to her in the hallway, and she just nods, turning to lead him back to the guest room. Throwing a glance back to Kurt, he sees him sitting there smiling smugly, and Finn just rolls his eyes, grinning.

* * *

><p>"Did you hear what Kurt said?" he asks when they're back in the guestroom, sitting across from each other on the bed. They used to do this a lot, what feels like years ago, ever since they were in high school. They'd sit across from each other, legs crossed below them, sometimes talking, sometimes just looking at each other. But no matter the reason why it started, it almost always ended with one of them moving right over to the other.<p>

She nods at his question, smiling just a bit. "I heard what you said too."

"Did you—was he right? About the reasons you did what you did?"

Rachel sighs, looking down to her lap. "Mostly, yes. I don't think I was thinking about why I was doing it _while_I was doing it, but hearing it laid out like that—it fits pretty well." She looks back up at him slowly, a small frown on her face. "Are you mad? Still?"

He's the one to sigh this time, shaking his head. "No. I'm not mad, not anymore. I'm still hurt though, but it'll go away. I just—I wish we never let it get this far."

"Me neither," she says softly. "Do you think we can fix everything? Go back to the way we were?"

"We can try," he answers, just as softly.

"But do you think we can do it?"

He shifts a little, looking at her seriously. "I think that we can do anything."

She smiles again, and he scoots just a little closer.

"Come home, Rach."

"Only if you come home with me."

He does.

* * *

><p>When they get back to New York, he moves back into the apartment officially.<p>

He tells her he's moving from the couch back into the bedroom.

She tells him she wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

><p>Their lease ends at the beginning of May. They're both just a little sad to say goodbye to the apartment. Mostly, though, they're excited to move into their new one.<p>

Together.

* * *

><p><strong>END.<strong>


	4. Epilogue

_One year later_

"So Kurt's flight gets in at eleven, and I have to leave around five, so you'll just have to swing by here and get him before you head over to the theater."

"Got it. I should be able to get out of the office by at least four thirty, as long as it's not crazy busy. It's kind of nice being the one in charge of my department—when I need to leave early, the only person I have to deal with is myself."

Rachel giggles, moving her hand to rest against his cheek. "Aw, you're so important now, baby."

Finn smiles, looking at her as he rests next to her on the bed. Her hair is loose around her shoulders and her face is scrubbed clean in preparation for bed. She's wearing an old t-shirt of his, and he loves how huge it looks on her, even when she's lying down.

"Kurt's so excited to finally come out here," Rachel continues, scooting a little closer to him. "I can't believe he still hasn't seen the new place."

"I know, I think he's busier than the two of us combined," Finn responds, taking her hand from his cheek and placing a kiss on her palm. "I guess that's what happens when you dress a cast of like, a million people.

Rachel giggles. "There aren't a million people in the cast. But it is very large. I wouldn't want to do it."

"Me neither."

"If you had his job, everyone would be wearing t-shirts and sweatpants!"

"Hey now," Finn growls playfully, grabbing her waist underneath the covers, tickling her until she's squirming wildly in his arms.

"Finn! Stop!" she cries, her attempts to get away futile as he rolls her onto her back, moving over her and pinning her down.

"Take it back," he murmurs, bringing his face down to hers, pressing his lips first to her cheek before moving down her neck.

"Finn," she sighs, letting her eyes fall closed.

"Take it back," he says again, nipping gently at her skin.

"I take it back." Her voice is barely audible.

"Good." He continues moving his lips against her, moving from her neck down to her collarbone. She allows him to continue for a moment before she moves her hands up to his chest, lightly pushing him.

"Finn, I'm tired."

"Mmm," is the muffled response she receives as he kisses across her chest, moving his own hands to the bottom of her shirt.

"Baby—"

"Rach, this is the last night we have without Kurt sleeping only _feet_ away from us for a week. _An entire week_. And I can almost guarantee that he'll make some sort of comment every single night before he goes to bed about having exceptional hearing and—"

"Oh god," Rachel mumbles, interrupting him with wide eyes. "You're right."

She rips off her t-shirt faster than he's ever seen before.

* * *

><p>"So this is the living room, obviously. And the kitchen, over there," she says, pointing to her left. "Both much bigger than the ones in our last apartment. This one is an investment."<p>

Kurt nods, following as Rachel walks further into the apartment.

"There's the bathroom," she says, motioning quickly to her left. "And here's our bedroom." Rachel pushes the door open all the way, scooting inside so that Kurt can see into the room. "We splurged and got a bigger bed—king sized, because Finn _really _wanted it. The mattress is beyond amazing, too. It cost more that I'd like to admit, but I have to say, it's proved to be well worth—"

"Please," Kurt interrupts, holding up a hand to stop Rachel from ending her sentence, "I really don't need to know how amazing the bed you share with my brother is."

Rachel laughs a little, blushing.

"But, I must say, " Kurt continues, "I have to give you props. This apartment is not as terribly decorated as I originally expected."

"Wow, thank you," Rachel replies, rolling her eyes. "It's nice to know how little faith you have in me."

"Please, it's _you_. You were still wearing unicorn sweaters and plaid skirts until you were practically twenty-two years old."

"I was not!"

"Sure," Kurt responds airily, chuckling as he makes his way back out of the room and into the hall. Taking a few steps, he pushes the door open to the second bedroom. "This must be the guest bedroom."

"Mhm," Rachel murmurs, joining him in the doorway. "I made sure to pick up sheets with the exact thread count that you requested. You owe me like 150 dollars, by the way."

"Oh shush. Every single person who sleeps in this room from now on will thank me." Kurt looks around, frowning just a bit at the empty walls. There was only a bed, a side table with a small lamp, and a tiny desk inside the room. "I see you went minimal in here. Were you too exhausted from decorating the rest of the apartment by the time you got in here?"

"Uh, no," Rachel starts, shaking her head as she looks down. "We just didn't want to spend more money than necessary decorating the room when we weren't certain how long it would stay a guestroom, exactly."

"Why wouldn't—oh my god—Rachel Barbra Berry are you pregnant?" Kurt cries, his eyes wide and excited.

"No, no," Rachel laughs, waving her hands at Kurt to calm him down "I'm not pregnant. But," she looks down, biting her lip in attempts to hide her wide grin, "who knows what could happen soon? I mean, Finn and I are getting married in a month, and the timing is just…kind of perfect."

Kurt grins at her words. "Oh really?"

"Yes," Rachel nods, twisting her hands together. "My run in the show ends right before the wedding, and after that, I'm going to be doing that short run in West Side Story, but that's only for a few months as of right now. And Finn recently got that promotion at his company, and we've really been saving—"

"So you've talked about this, haven't you?" Kurt interrupts, looking at her knowingly. "This isn't just some thought you had randomly the other day, is it?"

"No," she answers, finally letting a full smile break out on her face, "it's not. We've really been talking about it."

"Oh," Kurt sighs, matching her smile. "I'm so happy for you two!" He grabs her then, pulling her into a hug.

"Kurt, Kurt!" Rachel laughs, hugging hi back for a moment. "Nothing's happened yet! We've just been talking!"

"I know, but it's just…you guys are growing up." Kurt mimics wiping a tear from his cheek jokingly, and Rachel rolls her eyes, grabbing his hand and leading him back out into the living room.

"Well, I always did tell Finn after I was twenty-five and had won a Tony. And you know, we decided on this apartment for its mantel," she jokes.

She motions over to the mantelpiece over their faux fireplace, her Tony award for Best Actress resting proudly in the center.

* * *

><p>"I told Kurt," she whispers, pressed close to him in the dark. It's late and she has an afternoon show tomorrow, but she's still giddy from having both Finn and Kurt at her show this evening. Even though Finn tries to come as often as possible, having both of them there was like a bonus.<p>

"You told him what?" He asks, running a hand up her side lightly.

"About how we've been talking about children lately. He kind of figured it out…well actually, first he thought I was pregnant."

"What? Why?" Finn asks, looking at her confused.

"Something about the lack of decoration in the guestroom. I just said that we didn't know how long it would stay a guestroom, exactly."

Finn grins, thinking about the implications of her words. They're going to be married in a month. _A month_. And they're already talking about babies and what color they'd like to paint a nursery and they've even talked about names. _Names._

Their first child has yet to be conceived and he already knows that while she'd love to keep the sex of their children a surprise, she'd never, ever be able to wait. He knows that she'd really love their children to have first names of Hebrew origin, but she wants their daughter's middle name, if they have one, to be Carole, after his mom. For the past few months, he's seen her eyeing baby clothes every time they go into a store, and he's fairly certain she's made a mental list of every potential baby hazard in their apartment.

"What are you thinking?" she asks softly, her own hand coming to rest over his on her hip.

"I'm just—I'm so happy, Rach," he tells her, linking their fingers together and squeezing. "It's like, everything is so _perfect_ and we're getting married and we're going to have a family and I'm just so happy. After everything, _everything_, it's all finally perfect."

"Finn," she murmurs, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion.

"I just—I love you so much. _So much._ And I can't wait to finally marry you and start our family. I feel like everything that happened did so that we could get it all out of the way and be so happy now."

"Finn," she murmurs again, tears welling in her eyes. She moves as close to him as possible, pressing her lips against his forcefully, putting every ounce of love and feeling into it. "_You_ are perfect, and I love you more than I ever thought I could."

"Yeah?" he whispers.

"Yeah," she answers, nodding her head as much as she can while pressed against him completely. "Thank you."

"For what?"

She sighs, placing another kiss on his lips before moving to his cheek. "For loving me, no matter what." She moves her lips to his other cheek then. "For putting me up with my crazy, because as much as I say I'm not, I know I am." He chuckles at that, smiling as she moves to place a kiss on his forehead. "And for being my Finn. The only person I'll ever love unconditionally."

She breathes deeply then, closing her eyes as she leans her forehead against his, smiling contentedly. After everything they'd been through, all the years they'd been together, it feels like life is almost too good to be true. _Perfect_. And even if it took some time and a few bumps in the road to figure it out, they know that they can have it all.

They have it all.

* * *

><p><strong>End.<strong>


End file.
